How do I help my friend who is grieving?

I posted recently about Saying Goodbye To My Son. I did not talk about the moments, days, weeks, months after that were so horrible and heartbreaking, both to me and my husband! I recently read a post by Raising Arrows called Grief- What Can I Do? I was so blessed to read this post because she addresses so many situations of what to do/not do or say.

Personally I would rather hear, “I love you and I’m praying for you” or “keep leaning to Jesus, he’s always right there to comfort you” or something like that. What I don’t want to hear is “It was God’s will to take him”, “I know how you feel” when you don’t, “God will give you another child” etc…  I know that when people say these things they really mean well, but still these are words that only add to my grief.

It hurts when people stumble over calling me a mom. YES I AM A MOM! Once a mom, always a mom. It is for this reason that I strongly dislike (don’t want to hate) Mother’s Day. The whole day I have to smile and hold back tears while people stumble and say something like, “Happy Mother’s Day. Oh … Ah … Well … I know your not a mother … so … Happy Day!” Thank you, I feel so much better now! NOT! Just give me a hug and don’t say anything! Really, that would be much better!

It hurts when people are afraid to talk about pregnancy and babies in front of me, like I have the plague or something. I don’t need the constant reminder that I am so different, and really, am I? Please involve me in your baby shower plans and invite me to the hospital when baby arrives. And yes, it might be painful for me, but I also want to share in your joy and blessing. If your not sure, just ask me. I’ll tell you if something is too much or not a good time. But being excluded is NOT the answer.

Most of all, pray for me! Nothing is a balm like the strength of God and you may not think your prayers are doing much, but when I am too weak to pray for myself, believe me, I need them!

Even if you don’t know someone right now who is grieving, I HIGHLY recommend you read Raising Arrows post. I know it will give you insight and wisdom that will last a lifetime!