30 Days of Praise … Day 2 – I Can’t Even Walk Without You Holding My Hand!

Welcome to ”30 Days of Praise!” Every once in a while I go into a month long journey of fasting, praying and praising. It helps me re-commit my life to Christ, keep my priorities in order, slow down from the craziness of everyday life and take time to really listen to what God wants to tell me. I am always amazed and excited where my journey takes me, and this time I will be journaling everyday and sharing my experiences with you.

Day 2~
So far day 2 has been pretty quiet. Thankfully the headache I had yesterday is GONE!! Definitely something to praise God for!! I have learned through the years that people don’t like complainers and it really doesn’t change your situation to complain except you feel worse for yourself in the end. Most people are shocked when they hear what I physically deal with from day to day because I try not to let how I am feeling affect what I am doing. Many see my walk with Christ and think that life is always on the mountain top, that I have it all together, that I can praise God because life is easy for me. But my situation is actually the opposite. I Praise God because I am weak. I Praise God because my situations are NOT easy. I Praise God because the mountain tops are few and far between and I need Jesus every moment of every day to carry me through. Today I’m going to share with you what I fight from day to day. I never say “I have” an ailment because I feel that is claiming ownership to something I don’t want to own. Instead I say I am fighting or I am battling something. Because that is in fact what I am doing, fighting! Honestly this isn’t really easy for me to talk about because I have learned not to acknowledge the bad things and to focus on the good things …

Philippians 4:8  “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things”

But I want to share this testimony with you so you will know that your circumstances don’t have to rule your life, but your faith in God can!

I do not sleep well. I have an ileostomy bag that needs to be emptied several times a night. If I don’t empty it soon enough it can leak or even “blow up” and that is no fun for anybody. So I never really let myself fall into a deep sleep for fear of oversleeping and having an accident. But worse then that are my bladder issues. One of the side affects from all my surgeries is damage to my bladder. It still works, and for that I am very thankful!! But it does not hold much and always hurts and day and night I have to empty my bladder often. I usually wake up in the mornings with a headache. Which is no wonder since I hardly sleep. It’s a dizzy type of headache that makes me feel nauseous. I crawl out of bed and stumble to the bathroom because my blood pressure is so low that I can’t stand up or walk straight.

My body doesn’t always function as I sometimes fight low blood pressure, which make me in a dozed half asleep state. My brain feels “foggy” and I don’t process things well. I actually get a headache from trying to think! I’m sure it’s very frustrating for the people around me who are trying to communicate with me. As I’m constantly saying,” I know I already asked you this but can you please tell me again …” Poor Dustin puts up with me so well! I fight stomach aches and indigestion day and night. I do not choose food by what tastes good, but rather by how I will digest it. I listen to the radio and watch TV on a limited basis because the noise gives me a headache. Yeah I fight headaches A LOT! But I am determined that God is going to conquer that devil for me!! That is one of the main things I am fasting and praying for this month.

I fight pain every single day. I did not realize how much pain I fight until one time I woke up from surgery and couldn’t believe the difference from what I feel day to day, it was HUGE! I tried taking pain pills, and they did help cut the pain although they have never fully taken it away. But my body would become immune to the dose and the doctor had to keep giving me larger amounts until all I did was sleep all day and couldn’t function at all. I also did not like the way the pills made me feel, so I stopped taking them. I have learned not to focus on the pain, infact I ignore that it’s even there. I have learned to cast my burdens on the Lord and he really does make the load lighter. On days when the pain is really bad I praise God by saying “Thank you Jesus for healing me! Thank you Jesus I am not in pain!” I do not say I am in pain, but thank God for taking it away! This is putting my faith into action!

I also fight weakness in my body. I don’t know if it’s from chronic fatigue or lack of digesting the right vitamins. But my physical body has little strength. I have tried going to the gym and exercising, but it drained every ounce of strength from my body. I would come home completely drained and had to lay on the couch the rest of the day. After several weeks of trying Dustin & I agreed that it would be more productive to use my limited energy cleaning house then wasting it on a treadmill. This is a very frustrating battle for me because my brain is going, going, going and always wants to do things. But my body has a hard time keeping up. I am famous for having good intentions and starting projects, only to leave them half finished because I ran out of steam. I take vitamins and drink gallons of Gatorade, and I guess that helps some.

But I hold on to the promise that Jesus will not leave me with these afflictions and infirmities! They are but for a season to strengthen my faith and trust in Him! You see if I had no weakness in myself, I would think I was strong in myself. But God has allowed me to be weak so that I could learn how strong HE really is! He wants me to run to his arms of safety and protection and trust in him in everything …

Proverbs 18:10 “The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe”

Like I said earlier, I do not dwell on these things that I fight. Instead I Praise God all day long thanking him for his goodness and his strength. When I feel pain I thank him for making me painless. When I feel sick I thank him for healing me. When I feel weak I pray and thank him that I am made strong through him …

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in persecutions, in distress for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

You can now see what an amazing accomplishment it has been for me to run my shop Sarahsewta! I pushed and pushed myself to make a dream become a reality. I do not let the obsticles I face bring me down, but rather let God use them for opportunities to show His greatness!

I give God the glory for everything in my life. I truely can say “I can’t even walk without Him holding my hand!”